Within the within
‘I want to fly without the wings,
I want to swim without the fins,
I want to fly up in the sky,
I want to swim inside of me.
I want to ride till the end of the world,
I want to climb till I reach the moon,
I want to be, be here and now,
I want to be within the within,
I want to shine like a star in the sky,
I want to bloom as a flower in the spring,
I want to rise like the morning sun,
I want to be like a new born child.’
That is the life of the mystic. There is an experience – what is experienced – and there is the experiencer. Two things. One is the food and one is the eater. When these two things merge, when what is experienced and the one who is experiencing, when both are meeting, the experience takes place. But the real experience is in the absence of the experiencer. One who is experiencing is not standing separate from what is experienced.
For example, I am looking at the candle. Through me I am looking at this candle. Based on what happened to me, the candle looks like it does. Whether I like this candle or not, whether this candle is beautiful or not, it is based on what happened to this experiencer. And based on that, the experience is manipulated. It is not about the candle at all. But when this experiencer dissolves, not standing as separate from this candle, then you don’t see the candle. You will be experiencing the experience of the candle.
You look at a flower, “Wow! It’s a beautiful flower.” There is an experience inside this flower which the flower is experiencing now. The beauty. If you look at this flower you can see it is trying to express something. It took so much of minerals, water, wind, sunlight – everything – and finally what is enjoyed, is expressed in this way. “Wow! Look at me now!” There is an experience to express this beauty. I can see this flower, experience this flower through me, or I can experience the experience of this flower, which means that I am not there, I have dissolved – the ‘me’ is not there. When I have dissolved, when the sense of me is not strong anymore, I am able to experience what is there. The life of the mystic is when this experience is constant, when you are able to experience within the within. “Wow! there’s a flower, there’s a smile, there’s a joy.” And when you look at that and you experience that joy, then you are one with this moment.
Otherwise we always have to stand back and analyze. We create this ‘I’ and ‘you’. The more the ‘I’ becomes stronger, the more I also create the ‘you’ stronger. Whoever is not ‘me’, becomes ‘you’. We constantly create this opposite – me and you. Wherever we go, we create this opposite, me and who is not me – I and that, me and them, me and he, me and her. And our life becomes a constant drama of what is happening between me and what is created by me. But when this creation is not there, when ‘me’ is not dominant, naturally what I created through this me, is also not strong anymore. I dissolve, and whatever I created also dissolves.
I am a football player. I identify myself as a strong football player and I create my opposite. “I want to win over that particular team, one day.” So in the same way that this football player is strong inside of me, the opposite team also becomes very strong inside of me. I know the opposite team more than I know myself, because that’s what I want to fight against. At one point, if I decide that I don’t want to be a football player anymore, I drop this football player, then what happens? My opposite also drops, because that opposite belongs only to the created ‘me’ as a football player.
Constantly we create opposites, not only with people but also with nature. We say, ‘me and that star’, ‘me and the moon’, ‘me and the flower’, ‘me and the tree’. It’s not wrong. This is how we are all trained. Slowly from the childhood we have learned how to protect ourselves and the sense of fear comes. Slowly, the more the fear comes, the more the sense of ‘me’ comes. The life of the mystic is not having this barrier between the me and you.
‘I want to be within the within.’ Inside of the inside, inside of me. What is inside of the flower, I want to be there. ‘I want to shine like a star in the sky. I want to bloom as a flower in the spring.’ An experience of blooming. ‘I want to be like a new born child.’ Like a new born child means without any stories. When we are born, we are not carrying the stories. A divine being, a new born child.
It is important to know that we live on this planet and that our body, this human body, is part of this planet. There is an experience of living on this bountiful, beautiful planet, created for us to experience. The first step is to experience.
We are gifted with senses and we are also gifted with what is here to sense. A beautiful agreement. I give you the flower and I give you eyes to see that flower. Without the beauty, without different forms, shapes, colors and textures, everything is plain. Then there is no use in having eyes. But we do have eyes and there is diversity. We also have ears – and there are different sounds, nose – different fragrances, mouth – different tastes. Different touch. We are all gifted with the senses and also gifted with what is there to sense. When we sense, we get an experience. And this experience makes us to create further and to sense further.
Life goes on.