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The Complete Relationship

I invite you to live a complete life.
In the way that we are brought up, we are raised as half. We are trained to be male or female. We believe that we need this other half to feel complete. I need one more person to make me feel whole. This person needs to provide the whole life to me. This other person becomes a substitute, in the name of trees, in the name of butterflies, in the name of the moon and the sun, rabbits, flowers and the earth. The whole experience is expected from this one person. This person is going to substitute the whole existence. I become blind. The moon is not visible, the sun is not rising, the stars are not glittering. My only question is: Where is he? Where is she? My senses are only tuned to this one person. Then the disappointment comes because I denied life. I said ‘no’ to life and say ‘yes’ to one person.
It may sound a little hard. If you are in a very romantic relationship, I may even offend you because you believe this is it, forever, ‘Now we are complete. We are soul mates.’ These Teachings are not meant to reduce anything. They are not meant to reduce you at all.
When your whole experience of this life depends on one person, after some time, this person cannot satisfy you. You feel lonely. Your body feels lonely. It is not because this person is not good enough. It is because this person is not able to provide you with the whole life. He or she is not able to act as the substitute for life.
You are not born to just meet your partner. The truth is that first there is a life. Then you meet someone who can accompany you in this life. But when you deny life and you meet someone without living the life, then you expect this person to provide life to you. And when the person is not able to provide it, then disappointment comes. You are not emotional because this person betrayed you or didn’t satisfy you, you are emotional because you said ‘no’ to many things. In the name of this person your senses became blind to what is called life.

Go deep inside. Approach it radically. The sun, the moon, the stars, the blooming flowers, butterflies, trees, running water, your partner, the rabbit and frogs… Make your partner as one more companion in your life. There are so many expressions in this life.

You are born alone. And you are born as complete. If you believe the Creator who created you, created you as incomplete, as half, then the Creator must also be half. You are created by completeness. And the completeness knows only completeness.
This dependency to need one more person to feel complete – ‘I am female, so I need a male to feel complete’ – this dependency is trained, it is part of our domestication. You are complete of your own accord. Everyone and everything is complete. When one complete being meets another complete being, there is a freedom because they don’t have to manipulate each other. They can accept each other as complete and live complete.

Having a partner is beautiful but go deeply and look into it. We need one more person to create this ‘us’. ‘That’ is life, ‘that’ is the society – it is them – and ‘this’ is us. To make me feel right, I make a companionship, saying that ‘we feel like this’, ‘we think like this, see things like this’. We need companionship to create this right.

Is our relationship anything more than that? Do we maybe need one more person in order to grow? Is it possible to grow on your own, without one more companion? If you say a companion is helpful, that is beautiful, but why only one companion when you have seven billion? If you think it will be easier for you to have a companion to grow, then make it seven billion companions. If one person can mirror you, then seven billion people can mirror you much more.

I am asking you to not reduce yourself.

Having a relationship is beautiful, but get to know what you are relating to. Do I want a companion for my body? Or do I need someone to listen to me and make me feel right? Or do I need someone whom I can make wrong, so that I am right? Consciously or unconsciously, we are looking for this. Get to know yourself.

The way you perceive life and yourself is the foundation of the issue: The way you perceive yourself through you, the way you identify yourself. Through this identity, you recognize what life is and how this life is supposed to be. We also have this stereotypical picture of how a relationship is supposed to be, how a family is supposed to be, how a wife or a husband is supposed to be. We are trying to act according to a script.
It is all about the way we understand what life is, the life of the human species on this planet. Seven billion people… We have to invent seven billion new relationships. How to relate with this life? How to include the whole humanity into me? How to include everything as part of me?

All the issues belong to my perception. In the way I perceive I create conditions. And when my partner is not fulfilling those conditions, when my partner is not perceiving the way I perceive, I am troubled.
Two wrongs cannot make a right. And one right plus one wrong, is not going to be right either. To make it completely right, we have to accept two rights. Only when two rights are together it is going to be right. It is the same way in a relationship also. We have to meet this moment. And We have two approaches to meet it. What is the right approach? Hers or mine? If mine is right, then what about hers? We have this romantic picture of two people merging, becoming one. Mostly she dissolves into the man and becomes one with him, so he has four eyes to look at life his way. We are trained like this. ‘I want to become one with him, so that we don’t have conflict.’ The romantic relationship.

Instead of one person, is it possible for us to dissolve into the whole? I’m not talking about polygamy or monogamy. I’m talking about something else. I’m talking about expanding our relationship. Expand yourself. Expand the way you approach life. Include life. Not only human beings. Human beings alone cannot satisfy you. Imagine that you were born on a planet where nothing is there, only desert, sand and human beings – would you really want to be there? No. The human being is beautiful among all other creations, among everything – all life together.

Relate more. Bring more colors into your life, more components into your life! When you see your life is nothing but you and your partner, then you produce a child, then one day your child will get a partner, it goes on. You are not here only to produce children. You are here to reproduce whatever you sense. You are Brahma (the Creator)! God is not the past. God is continuing through you. The Creator is continuing through you, to constantly create. You are part of the evolution. You are not merely producing kids. You are producing so much through you. The flower that you see needs to come out of you. Look at the sky, you see the glittering stars. The stars enter into you, mix with you and then need to come out as one more star – something needs to glitter out of you. But when you reduce yourself to your story of ‘me and my partner’ the stars are not glittering for you anymore. The flowers are not blooming. Because your whole body, all your senses are filled with this one person only.

Imagine that something happens to you. You stand in front of the so-called God. And this so-called God asks, “How was your life on the planet?” What answer do you have? “Yeah. It was good. I have been to university. I finished my degree. I had a few girlfriends, then married one, bought a house, had kids, a dog and a cat, got a good car, retired, and now I am back.” God might ask: “What else? What happened to all the flowers I gave to you? What happened to all the butterflies?” Can you say “I’m sorry I was so emotional. I couldn’t see anything.” The question is, what are you recognizing as life and what are you doing with this life? What happens between you and this life? In what way are you happening to this life?

Life is beautiful. Make it practical, make it simple. Find the truth in everything that you meet, in every moment that you meet. Everything is coming to you to tell you who you are, based on how you approach the life. Every meeting is taking place in you, so that you know how you feel. And through this feeling you come to know how you are approaching this life. If you happen to suffer in life, change the way you approach it.

I invite you to live life in completeness.