Being in your own presence
– Satsang Excerpt –
Seeker: Guruji, how do we connect, or how do we communicate with ourselves?
Guruji Sri Vast:
I look at you, you are communicating with me. This communication is corresponding with different, different layers in me. Each layer stimulates certain experiences. By looking at the sea there is one stimulation, by looking at the mountain there is another stimulation, by looking at the birds, butterflies, animals, people, and whatever we see is stimulating, touching some part of us. That connection, that stimulation, creates a certain experience. It can be joy, it can be fear, it can be sadness, or any other experiences.
But what we are talking about now is ‘just being’, experiencing ourselves, not in connection with anything. Just being. Just the experience of oneself, not connected with anything, not waiting, and not withdrawing myself by closing my eyes, by controlling myself, and not by doing anything. I am just there.
Normally, we are always in the waiting mode. We wait for someone to speak, or we wait for everyone to enter into silence and then speak. Constantly we wait for something. In the evening we wait for the night. At night we wait for the morning. Constantly, our whole life is spent in the waiting mode. During weekends we wait for Monday. On Mondays we wait for the weekend. You go to the railway station and wait for a train. Whether you wait or not, the train is going to come. You reach the station at 10 o’clock. The train is supposed to come by 10.30, and you wait. So from 10 to 10.30, these 30 minutes are spent in waiting. But you know that the train is going to come, even if you don’t wait. These 30 minutes we are not going to get back in our life! So we cannot stand in a waiting mode for something to happen. We are talking about the non-waiting mode, a just being mode.
In a way, you are engaged when you are waiting. When our being is not engaged in anything, this being becomes available. Constantly our whole being is waiting for something. Even when we say that we do certain meditation practices, we withdraw. We inform our senses not to engage. We hold, we withdraw and we experience. But this ‘being state’ is when you are not withdrawing, you are not waiting, you are just there without any engagement.
In this state, you will start to experience some kind of joy. The presence of yourself. Just being joyful because of your own presence. Sometimes in the presence of loved ones we become joyful. But just being joyful in one’s own presence, enjoying one’s own presence is a kind of independent state. Not depending on anyone but enjoying one’s own presence, one’s own companionship. I am not saying enjoying others is wrong. No. You must enjoy everyone. But, this is another thing – enjoying your own presence in you. So, try just being with you and enjoying your own presence.